Stop trying to fit in - it’s career suicide

Today I want to talk to you about fitting in at work.

What do I mean by that?

It’s a pressure to act, dress or talk a certain way, in order to be accepted

OR you feeling unable to bring your whole self to work

It might be obvious, or it might be a covert pressure

So, how do you know you’re doing it?

Maybe the way you dress starts to change over time

You might use certain words, or phrases or change your language. You might tone down, or play up your language

You might be acting in a way that doesn’t feel natural, like you’re putting on somebody else’s shoes.

A great example of this is my early recruitment career. It was a start-up recruitment company with a very strong boys’ club mentality – as a fairly academic girl in that environment there was a huge pressure to either be one of the boys or be sleeping with one of the boys.

There was a real work hard play hard culture, and a massive pressure to close deals and hit sales figures, no matter how you closed the sale. I often found myself acting in ways that didn’t sit right with me, and taking actions that made me uncomfortable.

You might also be hiding a really important part of you.

You might be gay, trans, a single parent… and for whatever reason feel like you can’t share that part of your identity at work.

I worked with a lady who was so ashamed of her dyslexia she had a huge amount of anxiety and completely froze in front of a client during a presentation – rather than admit to her boss she was struggling with dyslexia.

Somebody else from a BAME background. She was working for one of the Big 4 consultancies. She felt like her identity was slipping away in the quest to get ahead at work. She was feeling corporate, beige, bland… plus feeling like a freak because she’s teetotal and chose not to join in with the client schmoozing and boozing aspect of the job.

So why is fitting in career suicide?

To be clear, we’re not talking about choosing not to overshare, or having healthy professional boundaries or having no filter. Some things are definitely not appropriate in the workplace and that’s a good thing.

But changing who you are, even a little bit, to fit in. Well, it just feels really rubbish.

You’re basically ignoring who you are and trampling all over your values.

And it’s hard work to fake it!

It can cause anxiety and worry. It can cause physical symptoms, sweaty palms, heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach, feeling sick, sleepless nights. I used to get a lump in my throat, which was literally my real voice struggling to be heard.

We’re basically talking about authenticity – knowing who you are and having the courage to live that every day.

We’re talking about hiding an important part of what makes you, you.

This is a massive problem, because over time it causes a disconnect. It’s really hard work being somebody else!

You cannot smash it at work if you’re suppressing a part of you, or acting in a way that doesn’t feel natural. It’s like Ursula the sea witch – you’re singing with a stolen set of pipes.

That disconnect will grow and grow, and over time it really messes with your chances of having a fulfilling career. You’ll miss out on projects, you’ll miss out on promotions, you won’t follow a career path that’s fulfilling to you – rather than the traditional career path in your sector. You might miss out on following your dream career, or launching your dream business.

You don’t want to get to the end of your career and feel like you’ve been living somebody else’s dream, somebody else’s version of success.

So what can you do about it?

When you were a kid, something will have happened to you to, to make you fear rejection or not being accepted or that you’re worthy of good things.

This then shows up for you as an adult, maybe as fear of speaking out, or using your voice or as showing up exactly as you are.

The solution is to get back to who you were, before the world told you who to be.

Who you are at your core, your essence, how you shine most brightly.

And no matter how old you are, that takes guts.

You need to find your voice and find the courage to speak out.

To discover your true self and show up exactly as who you are

You need to get rid of the baggage about worthiness, shame, acceptance, rejections

And dissolve the fears that are keeping you small.

And then you get to step into the potential and the dreams you had when you were a kid

The good news

I’m running a free visibility course to help you find your voice and help you show up authentically.

If these words resonated with you, there’s a place with your name on it, and you can find out more and register here.