Difficult relationships in the festive season
I’m speaking to so many people at the moment who are trying to navigate tricky relationships over Christmas and the festive season.
Whether it’s a co-worker or a loved one, or someone you’d rather NOT have in your life (but it’s not that simple!), navigating those tricky relationships can really take the shine off the festive season.
It's a real head scratcher so today's blog is all about my golden rules for staying sane, staying true to yourself and for navigating those relationships.
Let’s start with some examples of difficult conversations I’ve been hearing about:
My personal experience
I vividly recall magical Christmases filled with noise, people, and absolute joy. However, as an adult, my Christmas reality drastically differs. I harbour feelings of regret and guilt due to being estranged from my family, feeling keenly that our Christmas does not fit into the big family Christmasses I remember as a child, and you see in the movies.
Navigating boss and colleague dynamics
The holiday season intensifies workplace dynamics. Bosses can become demanding, and colleagues can also start to apply extra pressure - from bringing extra things into work to wearing the right Christmas jumper. Its particularly challenging to manage this amplified behaviour with other stressors outside of work.
Dealing with in-law challenges
One client is struggling with in-law dynamics during Christmas showcases the difficulty of setting boundaries while juggling family expectations. Whilst the in-laws were invited for 2 days, they’ve extended their stay to a week - and the husband is backing the in-laws up. These unexpected shifts in plans can be emotionally distressing.
The weight of expectations in close relationships
Another client, planning a dream holiday, feels overwhelmed by the responsibility of making it magical for her family.
So now, let me share some golden rules, the strategies I use to navigate these tricky relationships during the holidays, ensuring that there's still something left in the tank for you to enjoy.
Golden Rule #1: Understanding the narrative
The first step is asking yourself, "What am I making this mean?" Be aware of the narratives you attach to these situations. It could be stories like, "My mother-in-law thinks I work too hard and neglect her son," or "My boss is acting up because they don't trust me." Be cautious of spiralling these narratives into catastrophic future scenarios, and making them bigger than they need to be.
Golden Rule #2: Setting boundaries with compassion
Start with empathy. Once you recognise the narrative attached to a situation, realise that it often has nothing to do with you. You have the power not to react impulsively. Two techniques I recommend are the "Back of Your Hand" and "Snow Globe." Simply diverting your attention by looking at the back of your hand or visualising the person in a tiny snow globe having a tantrum can give you a moment's pause to respond differently.
Golden Rule #3: The liberating power of setting boundaries
Setting boundaries is incredibly empowering. It's about grounding yourself, standing in your power, and being aligned with your values. Recognise when you're becoming overwhelmed, reconnect with yourself, and refuse to take responsibility for others' emotions.
Golden Rule #4: The Journey to a Win-Win Situation
Identify the best possible outcome for navigating these relationships. Is it behavior modification, setting rules of engagement or agreeing expectations with your spouse? Sometimes, it's about having those challenging conversations you'd rather avoid. Putting on your "big girl pants" and leaning into uncomfortable discussions may not always get the response you expect, but standing up for yourself is a win in itself.
I hope these insights have shed some light on navigating tricky relationships during this festive season. Thank you for being here this year, I’ll see you very soon!